Well, I’ll believe that when me shit turns purple, and smells like rainbow sherbet. Listen ladies, and listen well, he’s NOT a nice guy. Sure he may be nice 90% of the time, maybe even 95% if you’re around him, but by those standards, we’re all nice guys. For all of you who are waiting around to find that perfect guy, it’s time to settle, because now the secret’s out.
How many times have you had that deep meaningful conversation with a guy and heard him utter the phrase “Well I’m not like that, seriously, I’m a nice guy”. Well for those of you have been fooled too many times in the past, here are a few pointers…
Number one, if he has a penis, he’s gonna want to use it. We all do. It’s not there for decoration. If it was it would be hanging out of our pants with a little top hat and a bowtie. So next time he tells you that he isn’t ready to take it to the next level either, don’t believe him. We’re all McGiver’s, and we’ve all got a plan. All we need is a rubber band, a paper clip and a battery, and there’s a good chance we’ll have you in the sack.
Number two, we’re NEVER kidding! Was that big enough for you? NEVER! How many times have you heard a guy “joke” about his fantasy of being with two women at once? Better yet, both of the Olsen twins at once. It happens all the time. But he’s not joking! I’ll tell you right now, her boobs are never too big; she never looks too slutty; two girls are never too many; we don’t read playboy for the articles, and anal is not gross. So bottom line, if he says it first, it’s true.
There’s no point in me even giving you any more pointers. I think you get the idea. This wasn’t meant to discredit men or to criticize you women for believing us. Communication is the key to any relationship. I just figured I would break the ice. So from now on don’t believe everything you hear, and learn to let things slide. And if you’re still in search of that perfect guy, you can always give me a call, because seriously, I’m a nice guy.
9-12-03